Thursday, February 28, 2019

10 years later....same deep shit

   Sooo haven't blogged in like 10 years, reading through my old posts I find most things still apply when it comes to my mental health. Is that a good or bad thing? At least its consistent? About 6 months or so back my depression and anxiety went into over-drive. It had been building for years, I'm not sure what finally tipped it over, but it spilled over everything.
   I have SO much to live for, so many things I want to do. Something needs to change. So this time around as I circled the downward spiral, instead of just going and getting meds I tried therapy, but like for real this time. Luckily it didn't take long for me to find a therapist I liked and respected.
   Now I'm in my upswing, but I'm still below the water, but I can see the light.

I'm not very good at actually talking and using words. I find my anxiety kicks in and shuts down my brain. The channel starts changing so quickly, one thought emerges but before I can grasp it- it disappears, everything flashes and I blow fuse. The brain just stops working, it's blank, all I can do is listen. Also, I find vocalizing things tends to bring out great emotion, it makes it way too real, I panic, I cry- How do you deal with all the feels?!?

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